My real name is John Francis Alexander.  However, after inheriting close to half a million dollars from a dead rich uncle, I now go by the name Don Robert Flash.  No one recognizes me.  After getting Chicago hair removal treatments done on my extremely hairy arms and legs, liposuction done on my stomach, and facial reconstruction, I look like a completely different person.  I even took speech lessons to learn how to talk differently.  Now I have a lot of friends, more than a few girlfriends (all of whom don’t know about each other), and a successful marketing job and a side career as a leg model.  I apparently have extremely attractive legs, attractive enough to be photographed and pinned up in magazines around the world.  This is my whole new life.  I never have to be the little kid who sits alone at lunch ever again.  People look at me and just assume I’m at good at sports now.  No one knows about the Star Trek fan club I started and voted myself as president for and remained the only member of all throughout high school.  No one knows about Star Wars role-playing club I was a part of all throughout college.  No one will ever know.